You’re not just playing Thunder Rooster—you’re auditioning for Olympus’ reality show.

I’ve spent years designing games that mean something. But this? This is therapy disguised as gambling.

Zeus’s bird doesn’t just strike—it judges your life choices. Athena’s precision? That’s just me trying to adult in real life.

And yes—those 90% win rates are legit (audited by actual nerds). Still didn’t stop me from losing my soul to Apollo’s Calm Clutch… twice.

Pro tip: Join the Starlight Community. They’ve got memes that explain strategy better than any tutorial.

If you’re still here after reading this—welcome to the cult. 🐔⚡

You in? Comment your roast name below! 👇